Dave dumps on fans

A bus driver for the Dave Matthews Band pleaded guilty last week to dumping 800 pounds of human waste from the Kinzie Street Bridge in Chicago. Meanwhile, officials are still waiting for confessions related to the band's dumping of musical sewage onto a capacity crowd at Boston's FleetCenter on December 11, 2000.

On August 8th, 2004, about 100 passengers on Chicago's Little Lady tour boat were splashed with filth when the contents of the tour bus septic tank came raining down onto the boat's open deck. The passengers have all received refunds for their spoiled ride, but after more than four years there are still no refunds for unfortunate audience members in Boston who endured an entire evening of crappy music.

"I was a huge DMB fan before that show at the Fleet," one emotionally-scarred audience member told LWN. "At least five of their songs totally rocked: the one about the satellite, the one where he wants somebody to crash into him, the one where he doesn't know whether he's upside down or right side up, the one with the marching ants, and the one where he's tripping some guy named Billy. If they'd only played four-- No, if they'd only played three of those five songs, it would've been worth the $120 I shelled out for a pair of tickets."

According to witnesses and a set list posted to the Official Dave Matthews Band Website, none of the band's good songs were played in what was to be their only Boston concert of the year.

"It was nothing but album tracks and that awful song about not biting the mailman. I'm amazed nobody left in the middle. Like masochists, we kept plugging our ears and waiting, waiting, waiting. I figured they were saving their good stuff for the encore, but no. All we got then was some dopey Christmas song and a Hendrix cover."

In the Chicago incident, the band's bus driver was sentenced to 18 months probation and 150 hours of community service. He was also fined $10,000. However, Boston prosecutors have not yet filed any charges for what's become known as "The FleetCenter 2000 Crapfest."

"I don't even know why he's still so popular," the former-fan continued. "DMB's music sounds great on the radio, but in person Dave's just a mediocre guitarist who mumbles his lyrics and has a range of only four notes and a falsetto. The other members of his band were amazingly talented, but that just made Dave sound worse in comparison."

The fan continued: "And speaking about DMB and crap, don't even get me started about that One Sweet Whirled ice cream."