 For $50 more, a virtual champagne christening ceremony!
Author Neil Gaiman last
week auctioned the naming rights to a cruise ship in his upcoming
novel, ANANSI BOYS. The auction raised over $3500 for the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund, an
organization which protects comic book retailers and creators from the
grandstanding idiots who want to kill your comics buzz--but that's
another story. This story right here is that somebody paid over $3500
for the naming rights to a boat that only exists on paper.
Damn!
Watching this auction closely were members of the US Government,
especially the White House Office of Management and
Budget. "The United States has a huge and growing government debt,"
explained OMB Director Joshua Bolten. "It's a problem our children
will need to solve, but until then we're always looking for ways
to raise revenue without...you know..."
Bolten leaned forward and whispered, "The 'T-word' that rhymes with
'axes'."
Bolten then ran to his office door and looked both ways, up and down the
hall, to make sure nobody had overheard. Satisfied, he closed the
door and continued: "So far the administration has shot down all our
best ideas--the bake sale, the Dunk-a-Senator booth, selling the
drilling rights to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge for anywhere
near their actual value--but we've never thought of auctioning off
naming rights before."
Bolten adjusted his green accountant's visor and blew the dust off
a large journal. "We've got old ships, new ships, cutters, carriers,
nuclear-powered subs, ships retrofitted with captured alien technolo--
um... Let's just say we've got every kind of ship you've ever heard of
and more.
"Right now those valuable naming rights are going to waste. Our
biggest and best ships are named after dead presidents, retired
admirals, states, and Star Trek vessels. Just imagine all those
ships renamed, sponsored, and wrapped in NASCAR-like advertising. Why,
we'd have that debt paid off in just a few--" Bolten did
some quick calculations. "--centuries!"
"Dang," he concluded. "We really do owe a lot of money, don't we?"
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