Special Report: Dating in the Zeroes
Part Three

In Part Three of our space-filling series, "Dating in the Still-Unnamed Decade between the 90s and the 10s", lifestyle reporter Maria san Guadeloupe-Klein is still trying to complete her assignment on time and under budget. Although unwilling to compromise her high personal and journalistic standards, she is starting to feel increasingly desperate.

Standing in the middle of a busy street, Maria reaches her arms skyward and shouts, "A man! A man! My career in broadcast journalism for a man!"

Suddenly, the clouds split and a shaft of sunlight falls upon a nearby man like a spotlight. A chorus of angels sing, and God Himself speaks in a booming voice that only Maria can hear. "Maria san Guadeloupe-Klein! This man before thee is thy soulmate, the one for whom thy spirit has yearned through a thousand lifetimes. United at last, you two will know an earthly joy that few mortals will ever have."

Maria watches the man turn toward her. His face glows in the light from above. In his eyes, Maria sees the answer to a million questions she's never dared to ask. Something melts inside her heart and she feels like she has known this man forever.

The man sees her as well, and his expression shifts from amazement to joy to bliss. He recognizes Maria from his dreams, and there can be no doubt that they are meant to be together. He spreads his arms and runs toward her. Closer...closer...closer...

And that's when he gets run over by the bus.

"The Lord is a mean old bastard," says Maria, as the police take her downtown for questioning.