Behind the scenes at LWN:
Editorial Policy

Ed Dir, Editorial Director of Last Week's News, announced last week that the infamous news portal would be renamed, effective immediately.

"Rebranded," Dir corrected the unnamed intern assigned to type this story. "Goldfish are renamed, books are retitled, and corporate entities are rebranded, preferably every 48 months. Like how Warner Brothers became Time-Warner, then AOL Time-Warner, and then just Time-Warner again."

Dir paused to rebrand three of his children and the family cat.

Asked what purpose the rebranding would serve, Dir referred to a pie-chart of focus group opinions. "Our organization has almost no name recognition," said Dir of the website that launched a month ago with no advertising budget or press coverage. "98% of the public has never heard of us, and the remaining 2% confuse us with the Llama Watcher's Network, which offers a 24-hour all-llama format. We need major change and a bold new vision, so from now on LWN will be known as LWN Online."

As he spoke, Dir rebranded his sneakers by gluing Converse stars over the Nike swooshes.

"Adding 'Online' to our name is the key," Dir continued. "By calling attention to the fact that our website is online, we imply that we also have some related entity that's not online. Readers might imagine a LWN cable news network or a daily print publication. We don't have those things, but the implication gives us more credibility."

Dir then excused himself and spent the rest of the afternoon rebranding each of his eyelashes.

LWN Online staff members were less enthusiastic about the change. "My last paycheck still says LWN," noted Entertainment Reporter Lorna Swansong. "Arthur says I won't be able to cash it now that the company's name is changed, but he offered me fifty cents so he could use it as a bookmark."

News Anchor Arthur Brock, last seen looting the break room cabinets for LWN-branded coffee mugs, could not be reached for comment.